MMXXIII: Seriously??!!

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2023 was a wonderful year. 

The last 365 362 days saw the world come together in peace and harmony, shunning war and conflict, working to eradicate poverty and hunger, striving for economic and social equality, and focusing on embracing inner beauty and beautiful actions.

Haha, just kidding. It was a dumpster fire.

The planet was a hot mess, both literally and figuratively, as humankind continued to ruin its own home and its own existence because that’s just how smart we are as a species. Inflation and economic woes plagued some countries, actual plagues threatened to plague others. Cult mentality in celebrity worship was at an all-time high; any semblance of what is actually important in life was at an all-time low. 

The year taught us that money still ruled the world, that having said money didn’t always make people very smart, but that being born rich was still the best decision you could possibly make. 

And, perhaps most importantly, it taught us that if you ever feel a sudden urge to challenge a certain Russian fella, don’t do it. Seriously, don’t. Do some breathing exercises, light an incense, maybe draw a Zentangle or two instead, and just let it go. Leeet it go. 

January

- The rise and rise of AI: The advancing, evolving capabilities of artificial intelligence continued to garner attention, with apps like ChatGPT (which was launched towards the end of the previous year) gaining more and more traction. This inevitably led to fears of AI taking over the world. Then we looked at the state of the world and thought maybe that won’t be such a bad thing after all.

- Peshawar bombing: 84 people lost their lives in a suicide blast on 30 January in Peshawar. This was one of numerous terrorist attacks – like the Khar bombing in July that killed 63 people and the Mastung bombing in September that caused at least 60 deaths – that shook the country throughout the year. 

The world at large continued to grapple with terrorism, mass shootings, gun violence, war, and conflict. So yeah, really can’t wait to welcome our future AI overlords. May they be more benevolent than we are ourselves.

February

- Turkey–Syria earthquakes: 

Humans: Nothing can cause us more damage than we cause ourselves, can it.

Mother nature: Hold my beer.

The deadliest earthquake in over a decade led to over 59,000 fatalities – 50,783 in Turkey and 8,476 in Syria – and caused widespread damage in the region. 

And that’s not the only major seismic calamity of the year, of course. There were several other earthquakes in 2023, including a 6.8 magnitude tremor that struck western Morocco in September (2,960 casualties), and a 6.3 magnitude triplet quake in western Afghanistan the following month (over 1,000 casualties).

- High-altitude object events: Like something out of really lame science fiction, mysterious flying objects appeared in different parts of the world (but mostly the Americas); some of them were shot down by the U.S. Air Force. They were either Chinese spy balloons or confused aliens stunned by the wreck of a planet they had stumbled upon, unable to process how any civilization can be this level of stupid.

- 65th Annual Grammy Awards: Former One Direction heartthrob Harry Styles beat the likes of Beyonce and Kendrick Lamar to win the Album of the Year award for Harry’s House because not everything in life must make sense, then proceeded to proclaim that “this doesn’t happen to people like me very often”, what with British white men famously being such an overlooked, downtrodden class.

March

- The Eras Tour success: From her massively popular concert tour to the release of re-recordings of her albums (not to mention the drama surrounding her relationships with Joe Alwyn, Matty Healy, and Travis Kelce), private-jet-overuser Taylor Swift dominated pop culture in 2023, proving once and for all that there is no limit to what rich white people can achieve if they just put their white privilege mind to it. But hey, at least it was a woman this time? #ThatsOneSmallStepForARichWhiteWoman…

- 95th Academy Awards: The Oscars, meanwhile, weren’t so white for a change. The night belonged to the wonderful Everything Everywhere All at Once, a film that left us with a heart full of absurdist joy and a craving for bagels. The movie took home seven trophies, including the award for Best Picture, Best Director (Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert), Best Actress (Michelle Yeoh), Best Supporting Actor (Ke Huy Quan), Best Supporting Actress (Jamie Lee Curtis), Best Original Screenplay (Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert), and Best Film Editing (Paul Rogers).

April

- India population record: India took over the World’s Most Populous Country title from China as its number of inhabitants exceeded 1.425 billion this year. This figure is expected to rise in the coming decades (unlike China where the population is expected to continue to decline). India – one of the world’s only two population billionaires – reached the billion mark in 2000 and is set to reach 1.7 billion by 2050.

Still can’t find 11 dudes who’re halfway decent at kicking a ball though, can they. 

May

- Covid emergency end: The World Health Organization ended its declaration of COVID-19 being a global health emergency, leaving us having to look for another excuse to avoid human interaction because dagnabbit, people are still annoying.

- Coronation of Charles III: Britain continued refusing to enter the twenty first twentieth century – because why have equality when you can have nepotism instead – and held a lavish ceremony to crown the eldest son of Imelda Staunton’s character as its new ruler. 

- 9/5 riots: Tensions boiled over as PTI supporters clashed with government forces, resulting in five deaths, over 5,000 arrests, and a tumultuous day for the country. 

June

- Titan submersible implosion: A dingy underwater vessel that is steered using a modified game controller, has no on-board location system or emergency locator beacon, and cannot be opened from the outside once the hatch is closed from the inside?

Yeah, sounds like a solid plan. Can't see any possible issues there at all. 10 out of 10. Would recommend. 

- Twitter renamed X: And in even more news from the “billionaires making stupid decisions” department, everyone’s least favourite rich dude (and boy did he have competition in this category!) Elon Musk decided to rename Twitter to X so that every publication would henceforth have to refer to the social media platform as “X (formerly known as Twitter)”, which our brains would then have to keep overriding to “Twitter (currently known as X for some reason)”.

Thanks to the app turning into conspiracy theory central, advertising went bye bye along with any semblance of sanity.

July

- Barbenheimer phenomenon: From counterprogramming to promotional synergy, two polar opposite mass-marketed commercial products came together to give us a double feature about two things that are the most quintessentially American: capitalism and war. Barbie and Oppenheimer collectively made over US$2 billion and made a handful of people very rich, so clearly a win for all mankind.

Now how soon before someone starts working on the Barbenheimer movie?

August

- Global warming record: The world’s oceans reached a new record high temperature (20.96°C), right after July turned out to be the hottest month on record for globally averaged surface air temperatures (by 0.3°C).

These record temperatures came as a warning for mankind to take care of our planet, phase out fossil fuels, and get rid of plastics. And/or just throw Henry Cavill and his hotness off the planet because that might work too. Barring that, if you want some beach front property, now would be the perfect time to buy a house in Sialkot.

- Pakistan political challenges: The dissolution of the national and provincial assemblies led to the set-up of a caretaker government, which will remain in place till the general elections next year. Arif Alvi retained his position as the president of the country, while Anwar ul Haq Kakar was sworn in as the caretaker prime minister.

- Chandrayaan-3 lunar landing: India became the first country to land a spacecraft near the south pole of Earth’s only natural satellite as part of ongoing attempts to explore the Moon in case there’s ever a dairy shortage on the planet and we need a backup supply of cheese.

September

- Storm Daniel: Stormy Daniels was ordered to pay Donald Trump US$120,000 after losing her appeal to … oh wait, STORM Daniel; never mind then. It killed a whole bunch of people. It was the deadliest Mediterranean tropical-like cyclone in recorded history with as many as 20,000 estimated casualties. It was all kinds of awful. Not nearly as salacious as Stormy Daniels though.

October

- Israel–Hamas war: A series of coordinated attacks by Hamas on southern Israel was followed by the most significant military escalation in the region in decades that has since resulted in 20,000+ deaths in Gaza and an appalling display of all that is wrong with humankind.

- Rugby World Cup: If a tree falls in a forest the Rugby World Cup happened in France, and no one is around to hear it we didn’t watch it, does it make a sound did South Africa really win?

November

- Cricket World Cup: The 2023 ICC World Cup totally didn’t happen at all. Pakistan didn’t get knocked out in the group stage after playing poorly, and Australia didn’t win the tournament for the 9376285th time.

Nope. None of that happened.

Unrelated: we seem to have misplaced our neuralyzer. Has anyone seen it by any chance? Really can’t remember when we last used it…

December

- COP28 climate summit: Ok so it turns out we just might be able to allow Henry Cavill and his hotness to stay on the planet. World governments agreed to transition away from fossil fuels and increase renewable energy generation capacity at the United Nations Climate Change Conference towards the end of the year, suggesting that there still might be some hope for our species after all.

- By Sameen Amer

Us Magazine, The News - 29th December, 2023 *

Music to our ears

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Albums that struck a chord in 2023 

2023 was quite a year for music fans. From Taylor Swift’s world domination and Beyonce’s very existence to the last Beatles song and Roger Waters’ decision to mangle The Dark Side of the Moon because why not, the year gave us a plethora of new music, record breaking tours, nostalgic releases, and … whatever the heck it was that was going on with Hall & Oats.

As the year draws to a close, here is a quick look at some of the most prominent albums that came our way in 2023.

Endless Summer Vacation by Miley Cyrus
As soon as the funky disco twang of ‘Flowers’ reached our collective ears this January, we knew Miley Cyrus was onto something special. It was hardly a surprise then that the mega-hit single’s parent album, Endless Summer Vacation, ended up giving the American singer career-high recognition, including her first Grammy nomination in the coveted Album of the Year (AOTY) category.
Released in March, the dance-pop record – the singer’s eighth studio release – also featured guest appearances by artists like Brandi Carlile (‘Thousand Miles’) and Sia (‘Muddy Feet’), and was among the former Disney star’s most successful offerings since her Hannah Montana days. A companion documentary concert special, titled Endless Summer Vacation (Backyard Sessions), saw her performing songs from the album and sharing insights into its creation.

World Music Radio by Jon Batiste
It may not have paralleled the high of his previous record, 2022’s AOTY Grammy winner We Are (2021), but Jon Batiste’s seventh album still won him much appreciation and gave him the chance to vie for the same title at next year’s ceremony. World Music Radio – a concept album about an interstellar being making genre-blending music and sending it out into the cosmos – found the former The Late Show with Stephen Colbert bandleader creating more jazz-soul fusion music. Joining him this time were an array of guest singers, from Lana Del Rey (‘Life Lessons’) and Leigh-Anne (‘Running Away’) to Lil Wayne (‘Uneasy’) and Kenny G (‘Clair de Lune’).
Alongside his musical output, the artist also gave us a glimpse at his life and career in the documentary American Symphony that chronicled a year in his life as he won awards and composed his first symphony while his wife, Suleika Jaouad, battled leukaemia.

Guts by Olivia Rodrigo
Olivia Rodrigo made quite a splash with her debut album, Sour, in 2021. This year, her second record earned her just as much appreciation as her first. The set saw her teaming up, once again, with songwriter and producer Dan Nigro to explore the tribulations of life just as she steps into her 20s.
A personal, emotive pop record, Guts delivered more of everything – from power ballad heartache to pop punk attitude – that her fans clearly love and that have made her so popular at such a young age.

- and Autumn Variations by Ed Sheeran
Ed Sheeran blessed (and/or cursed, depending on your personal leanings) the world with not one but two albums in 2023.
The first was his May release – (Subtract), the final record of his mathematical era. With production handled primarily by the National’s Aaron Dessner – who was also Sheeran’s friend Taylor Swift's collaborator on her recent albums Folklore and Evermore – the singer’s sixth studio release found him sharing his emotions through some gentle folk-pop.
Its follow-up was September’s Autumn Variations which once again saw him working with Dessner.
Both albums did fairly well on the charts, peaking at the top in several countries. And while critics might not exactly be enamoured with his output of late, their opinion clearly has little bearing on the English singer’s massive popularity.

The Record by Boygenius
It’s a good thing that Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, and Lucy Dacus came together as Boygenius – a tongue-in-cheek reference to overconfident men who think their every thought is genius – by “kind of an accident”, because their debut album has turned out to be one of the musical highlights of the year. The indie supergroup wowed critics and listeners alike with The Record, a sublime indie rock offering that has earned them acclaim and has been deemed an instant classic.

But Here We Are by Foo Fighters
After the tragic untimely passing of drummer Taylor Hawkins, the future of the Foo Fighters seemed up in the air. But the group has decided to soldier on without their beloved bandmate, releasing But Here We Are, their first album since Hawkins’ passing.
Dave Grohl performed all the drums on the album himself, with the band producing the record alongside producer Greg Kurstin. Their grief powered this June release, with singles like ‘Rescued’ and ‘Under You’ topping the charts.
The group also eventually announced that the Vandals and Divo drummer Josh Freese would join the band for the supporting tour.

The Ballad of Darren by Blur
Back in the late ‘90s/early aughts, who would’ve been willing to wager that Blur would still be here some two decades later? But here they are, and we couldn’t be more chuffed about it.
The Britpop titans regrouped after a hiatus and released their ninth album The Ballad of Darren – their first since 2015’s The Magic Whip – this year. And if that wasn’t enough, the group members also delivered various side projects. Damon Albarn’s virtual group Gorillaz unveiled their eighth LP, Cracker Island, to much appreciation, while Graham Coxon gave us the self-titled debut record of his art pop band The Waeve.

Taylor Swift re-recordings
Tayor Swift ruled pop culture in 2023. Not only was her Eras Tour a massive record-breaking success, but the singer also continued to reclaim her past work by releasing the re-recorded versions of not one but two of her earlier albums.
2010’s Speak Now and 2014’s 1989 became her third and fourth re-recordings upon their release in July and October respectively. Each album featured new versions of all the previous songs, plus several previously unreleased ‘From the Vault’ tracks.
Swifties were also treated to the Eras Tour concert film that quickly became the highest grossing concert film of all time.

Barbie the Album by various artists
2023 was very emphatically Barbie’s year. The Mattel doll was the star of the year’s most successful film, and the movie’s soundtrack proved to be just as popular. From Billie Eilish’s dreamy ‘What Was I Made For?’ to Dua Lipa’s funky ‘Dance the Night’ and all the fun pop ditties in between, the album gave us some of the most overplayed ubiquitous songs of the year, with some of the singles as well as the album itself topping the charts in several countries.
The soundtrack and its tracks also have a total of 11 Grammy nominations, and have made this a very successful year in Barbie’s world.

Love in Exile by Arooj Aftab, Vijay Iyer, and Shahzad Ismaily
A Pakistani singer, an Indian American pianist, and a Pakistani American multi-instrumentalist walk into a recording studio. The result is one of the most well-received global music outputs of the year.
Love in Exile found Arooj Aftab (who continues to be the most internationally-prominent artist that has ever emerged from this country), Vijay Iyer, and Shahzad Ismaily joining forces to create a mesmerizing 7-track LP full of melodious tunes that have earned the trio critical acclaim.

By S.A.

Us Magazine, The News - 22nd December 2023 *

Call me by my nickname

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A rose by any other name may smell just as sweet, but would you really be inclined to smell it if it were called a skunky-mcdurian instead? 

By A girl named Sameen

Once upon a time – back when people liked sporting hairstyles that were visible from outer space, music was trapped in rectangular plastic contraptions with ribbony tapes that were more likely to get tangled than play your favourite tunes, and slapping your wrists with fabric-covered steel strips was considered cool for some reason – I was born.

My very excited khala, legend has it, called my very excited naani from the hospital and delivered the very exciting news of my arrival. “Beti hui hai. Bohot piyari hai, bilkul guriya jaisi,” she said (or so I’m told; I was too busy screaming and shouting at the injustice of having to exist to pay the slightest attention to other people’s feelings about my existence.)

Doll-making, name-giving ancestors

It took my parents a few days to decide what my legal name would be. After a false start with “Farnaz” (the Persian for elegant, charming), which was discarded quickly because they didn’t want people to end up calling me “Nazi” (because yikes!), they – and by “they” I mean my mom and a copy of the Feroz-ul-Lughat – landed on the name “Sameen”, a Persian word for precious, invaluable.

(The fact that Sameen is a boys’ name clearly did not dampen my parents’ christening spirits. Either that or they intentionally picked a boys’ name because this world is rough and if a woman's gonna make it, she's gotta be tough, and I ought to thank them before I die, for the gravel in my guts and the spit in my ey … never mind.)

By the time the name was finalized though, another moniker had very empathically laid claim to my person – the descriptor from the original proclamation about me joining the land of the living: Guriya.

I was, apparently, a cute baby, so the name applied. And then it stuck, even when it didn’t apply anymore (unless the guriya in question was the Bride of Chucky).

So pretty much from day one, I was Guriya to everyone around me. Or at least everyone close to me.

My parents called me Guriya. Unless they were mad at me. If you heard either of them shouting “SAMEEN!” in my general direction … safe to assure I was in some kind of trouble.

My grandmother, our neighbours, the maids – they all called me Guriya.

But then there were the relatives and acquaintances who knew full well what my nickname was and chose not to use it, calling me by my real name instead. I know not the reasoning behind their choice (my inability to read minds can be so infuriating sometimes), nor do I want to hazard a guess. But how it felt to me was this: odd.

I’d grown so accustomed to being referred to by my nickname that being called by my real name almost felt (and still feels) a little jarring. And it also seemed like the person who was choosing to use my full name was trying to show that they wanted to keep me at arm’s length and didn’t want us to be close.

(It also didn’t help that after I started writing, the more I saw my name in print, the more I dissociated from it. ‘Cause “Sameen Amer” was obviously, like, this cool chick who was mingling with the famouses and getting Tomatometer approved. Meanwhile, I was just silly old me. So I clearly wasn’t her.)

But anyway, my lovely friends more than made up for any wet blankets by making sure they referred to me by any name but Sameen.

My name came with a built-in nickname, lucky for those who didn’t know my childhood moniker. I was Sam to my class fellows. And Sammy to my close friends. And Sammy Wammy Supergirl of the clan McAwesome to my sister.

There have, however, been some holdouts along the way, even in my close circle. Two to be precise.

One is my “childhood” friend Xulfi. He has known me for two decades. He has been calling me Sameen for two decades. Despite the fact that he knows I don’t like it. Which is ironic for a guy who is known to virtually everyone by his nickname. In retaliation, I decided I’d call him what literally no one else calls him: Zulfiqar. Turns out he loves it. So that kinda backfired.

The other is a friend who calls me Sameen because he says "Sameen is hot". Which ... yes I am, but what does that have to do with my name? (Also, he thinks “Guriya” is “uncool”. Le gasp! Like, how dare he?! Off with his head!)

Unlike these two, however, most people close to me have simply chosen their own monikers for me, without any prompting. And this love of nicks, by the way, runs in my family and my friend circle too. Everyone close to my mom called her Nili instead of Nilofar. My sister Anne is my Anny Bananny (sorry girl!). And Xulfi is, you know, Xulfi.

Come to think of it, it’s not just us. Destiny Hope legally changed her name to her childhood nickname, Miley. Chloe Celeste became Dove as a tribute to her late father, who called her that as a nickname. We all know Peter Gene as Bruno, a moniker given to him by his father. And where would Jimmy McGill be if he hadn’t turned into Saul Goodman? Ok, he’d probably be in a better place, but I digress.

It's all good, man

So anyway, short story shorter: have name, don’t like being called by it.

It is a very pretty name though. It’s unique; it’s musical; it has a lovely meaning. But to me – and it might just be based on my very individual experiences – there can sometimes be so much more apniyat in a nickname.

So if you must, call me Sameen. But if you love me, might I suggest Guriya?

- By Sameen Amer

Us Magazine, The News International - 24th November, 2024 *

Aima Baig – putting the fun in funkari

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The singer talks to Us about her journey in the entertainment industry, her new song, and her upcoming album

Aima Baig just released her first solo single. That may seem hard to believe, given that she has spent the better part of a decade in the limelight. Surely she must have made other songs on her own and this isn’t her debut solo track? But she hasn’t and it is.

“The [very] reason we are doing this interview right now is because this is my first ever solo single,” the singer tells Us. The song in question is ‘Funkari’, a catchy pop ditty about deception and heartache. “I’ve sung songs for a lot of producers, composers, brands,” she continues, “but it’s just that now there is no brand involved. The only brand is going to be my music, that’s it.”

Journey to stardom

Before she became one of the most popular names in the Pakistani music industry, Aima started gaining recognition for appearing on Mazaaq Raat, a comedy series for which she served as a co-host. She has fond memories of her time on the program and still considers the show’s team “like family”. “They treated me like I was their baby,” she recalls. “They never treated me like an employee; they always treated me like they had adopted me or something.”

The Mazaaq Raat cast and crew taught her a lot and supported her through thick and thin. She was, in fact, recording one of the episodes of the show when she found out about her mother’s passing. “I think Fawad Khan was over. It was a huge deal, obviously, but they stopped the show, they called me over, and then they gave me the day off and also gave me a leave for the next ten days, even though I didn’t want it – I just wanted a distraction.”

Seeing how positively she describes her time on the series, it isn’t surprising that her most vital learning from the experience seems to be that of camaraderie. “Primarily the thing they taught me is that…,” she pauses. “People say there are only bad people in this industry. Aisa naheen hai. You’ll find nice people from nice families with good hearts and good intentions. So I only have good words for Mazaaq Raat. And they taught me that no matter how small the start, if you just keep your hopes high, tou aap kaheen pae bhee pohonch saktay ho.”

Where she reached, of course, was Coke Studio, the uber-popular music show that propelled her to national stardom. “Coke Studio kinda changed everything for me,” she says. Before appearing on this platform, Aima had done quite a bit of work, including playback for films like Wajahat Rauf’s Lahore Se Aagey, projects for ISPR, a tribute for the APS incident, and raising awareness about cancer, a cause close to her heart. But even when her songs – like her playback work – were hits, they didn’t put her in the spotlight. “Nobody knew keh gaya kis nae hai,” she says. “When Coke Studio came out, they showed my face, and … gave me face recognition for sure, so it changed everything.”

She embraced the challenges that came with the show, like getting everything right in three or four takes, and her hard work quickly paid off, making her a household name. Some elements of her success even surprised her. “I never thought in a million years even in a language that isn’t mine – like Saraiki is not really my language – even in that language my song will be a hit and everyone will like it, and that is how I’m going to be recognized in my own country, the ‘Baazi’ girl.”

From collabs to solo

For much of her career so far, Aima’s focus was on playback singing as well as collaborations with other artists. Her voice could be heard in films, TV shows, and commercials, and she worked with the likes of Ali Zafar, Atif Aslam, Asim Azhar, and Sahir Ali Bagga. The reason for sticking to collabs and playback? “I used to be a little camera shy,” she replies. “I was always a very shy kid. I was bashful about being in front of the camera from the start. I have done bachelor’s in film and television as well, so I am somebody who belonged behind the camera. I should be the one handling the camera or looking after the production or whatever. But it’s just that I have to be a singer. So you have to show your face. And then I realized that it’s becoming more fun now.”

The singer is now taking a break from playback to create some music of her own. “[I have] concert, traveling, tours, and now I’m releasing my own album, which is going to be my first chapter. There are a few featured artists on the album but it’s mainly my own music. So I’m focused on that more now rather than singing OSTs or film songs.”

She plans to unveil tracks from her debut record one at a time, offering a slew of singles before releasing the album itself. “I want to give each song it’s importance,” she says. “I feel like if you release all the songs at once, then there are some songs that are very close to your heart but since there are a lot of songs … let’s say there are 6 songs on my album, just for instance, and three of them are hits while three aren’t, and one of those latter three was very close to my heart … so I don’t want to waste a song. So I am going to slowly release them.”

The first of these singles is the aforementioned ‘Funkari’. “This is the first song in six years that I’ve worked hard on myself. And I know how much work went into it, what the process was, how the song was made, and I learned a lot in the process.”

‘Funkari’, Aima explains, is about a person – a guy or a girl (the latter in the video, since the character is portrayed by Aima herself) – who has been played over and over again. “She knows everything and she’s been through this whole cheating game over and over again. And she does not want to show too much in front of him, that ‘oh I know what you’re up to’, but she’s also going a little psychotic.

“It's a very serious matter if you look at it because in [our culture] women keep suffering but don’t speak up. Similarly some men I’m sure also suffer but don’t say anything. And then it turns into a mental disorder. You go into depression and all that. So I think that this song and video show the aspect that the person has gone [crazy]. … This is actually a very disturbed and dark thing that we are putting out there for the world to see and acknowledge that she is actually laughing about [the accident] because she’s gone psychotic because of the traumas she has been through over and over, not talking about them and bottling them up inside.”

The road ahead

What about her acting aspirations? Is there any acting project in the pipeline? “I don’t have anything lined up,” she replies, “but I do have a lot of scripts lying on my bedside table.” While some of these scripts are “great”, none of them have really clicked with Aima, and when she finds one that is to her liking, she says you might see her acting as well. Having done theatre when she was at university, this field just might be a good fit for her. 

Her main focus, however, remains on her music. “I am just counting on my album right now; I think my album is my future – it is going to make my future for sure.” She is torn between two titles for the set but hopes to settle on one soon. 

As for the future of Pakistani music, she says she is in awe of the young talent emerging from the country and sees bright things ahead for the industry. “The world is going to see a part of Pakistan that they have never witnessed [before]”, she promises, “because nobody explored that part of Pakistan and I think we have so much talent and all these kids and all these people have finally been given the chance to show what they can do and what skill they have.” And she feels the efforts and plans of the people in the industry – everyone from organizers to artists – will fill our stadiums with big names performing for music lovers one day soon. “Eventually, I am giving you my words right now, we will have [the likes of] Justin Bieber performing here one day too. Why not!”

- By Sameen Amer

Us Magazine, The News International - 21st July, 2023 *

Heal the world

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Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich

If you could change one thing about the world – just wave a magic wand and bring about some sort of global transformation – what would you change?

Just pause and think for a moment.

What would you do?

Would you eradicate poverty? End world hunger? Establish equality? Bring about world peace? Delete Fifty Shades of Gray from the collective human consciousness? Make chocolate a basic human right?

It’s an interesting thought experiment, but it also leaves you with you a very sad realization: the world really does need change. But where do we even begin?

We've queried some of our favourite celebrities and asked them what they would do if they had world changing capabilities. Here’s what they had to say…

If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be, and why?

Ayesha Omar
If I could change one thing about the world, I would eliminate all weapons and guns from the world. No human being should have access to guns or any kind of weapons.

Goher Mumtaz
The thing that I’d want to change about the world is jealousy. I wish that we stop getting jealous of each other and we start living in certain peace with all the gratitude. This is why there are a lot of problems in the world, and the one thing I’d want to change would be this.

Areej Chaudhary
If I could change one thing about the world, it would be [that I’d make a] money free world. Everything that is happening is all because of money. So I would like to create a system without money where nobody has to face any kind of problem. Only love and humanity will exist. ♥

Imran Aslam
I would change the way people think of each other and make them stop telling lies. People are not loyal to each other [and they should be].

Mansha Pasha
[I would ensure] that people with power would be more responsible and ethical and judicious in the exercising of it.

Aisam-ul-Haq Qureshi
I would like everyone in this world to be somehow associated with some kind of sport or play some sport. I would make it compulsory for every person to play or do sports or be associated with it because I feel like sport teaches a lot of values and helps you judge a person as a human being first – there are no racial, cultural, religious, political boundaries. It would definitely make the world a better place and a more peaceful place as well. As a sportsman I got to learn that. It would make major changes if everyone could be part of sports in one way or the other. It would make the world a better place for sure.

Wajahat Rauf
I would put a chip in everyone that prevents them from thinking “I am right all the time”. This would be applicable to all friends and relatives, governments ... and mothers-in-law.

Hadiqa Kiani
One thing I would like to change would be hypocrisy. If we can see the true faces of the people around us, a lot of mess in our lives can be cleared up.

Sherry Khattak
If there’s one thing that I could change in the world, it would be having no borders, because I think we all are one on some level and there should be no discrimination for that.

Humayun Saeed
I'd like to eliminate the need or rather hunger for power; all kinds of it. If you think about it, the battle for power is the root cause for the world's greatest evils. Corruption, injustice, inequality even wars... all so that one becomes more powerful than the other. In an ideal world where everyone has equal access to opportunities, there will be no single person or entity that would be able to dominate the others and hence there will be peace.

- By Sameen Amer

Us Magazine, The News International - 7th July, 2023 *

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 - one last huzzah

movie review

The Guardians disband as James Gunn says farewell to the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) in a touching, affecting adventure

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

Starring: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldaña, Dave Bautista, Karen Gillan, Pom Klementieff, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, Will Poulter, Sean Gunn, Chukwudi Iwuji, Linda Cardellini, Nathan Fillion, and Sylvester Stallone

Written and directed by: James Gunn

Tagline: Once more with feeling.

Peter Quill and his merry band of misfits get a warm send-off in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, James Gunn’s final MCU adventure (for now?) that gives its characters a fitting farewell while leaving the door open for their potential return.

The film revolves around the story of the resilient Rocket (voiced by Bradley Cooper), who is critically wounded in an attack by Adam Warlock (Will Poulter) towards the start of the film. Unable to heal his wounds, the Guardians – who are now settled on Knowhere and some of whom (see: Peter Quill (Chris Pratt)) aren’t faring particularly well – set out on a mission to save their friend’s life. 

To use their med-packs on Rocket, they must first deactivate a kill switch embedded in him by the High Evolutionary (Chukwudi Iwuji), the ruthless scientist who genetically engineered the now-beloved raccoon. 

To find the switch’s override code, the group must confront a villain who easily ranks among the MCU’s most loathsome. 

Weaved into the narrative, along the way, are arcs about friendship and family, heartache and redemption. One of Gunn’s many strengths is creating characters that are flawed but downright endearing, and he has excelled in this department in the GotG series. Thanks to the connection we have already made with these characters, Vol. 3 hits you right in the feels from start to finish, as it takes its ragtag crew on one last adventure together and delivers closure through an ending that is bittersweet but remains hopeful.

Ultimately, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 is one of the more entertaining chapters in the increasingly struggling Marvel Cinematic Universe. It may sometimes feel like an anti-animal-cruelty PSA and there are a couple of fake-outs the film could have done without, but, all in all, this emotionally satisfying instalment not only tugs at your heartstrings but, in once again showcasing James Gunn’s very considerable talents, also leaves you with the sense that the DC Universe is now in very capable hands.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5

- By Sameen Amer

Us Magazine, The News International - 16th June, 2023

A night on the town

cover story

On an unassuming evening of an uncharacteristically pleasant day in May last week, I found myself en route to the outskirts of the Inner City, the historic core of the ridiculously history-drenched Lahore.

This twilight excursion was significant for two reasons: 

i) The outing put my status as a certified hermit in jeopardy (and if you know me, you know I take my hermitness very seriously), and 

b) I was going out in the face of the overprotectiveness of my parents who have several panic attacks apiece if I’m not within visual distance at any given time, let alone out at an ungodly hour after the Sun hadst setteth.

But there I was, in an overpriced Uber, making my way to an overpriced hotel to see a cousin who was visiting from the great jazeera of Bartania. This would be my first time meeting her, despite us both being of ages that are of the “what was it like when the dinosaurs were still around?” variety.

She’d suggested meeting at her hotel, then going for dinner at a fancy restaurant. Said fancy restaurant was chosen gastronomical-roulette style through a Google search powered by an irrational faith in the universe. 

And so, a quick hello and a second overpriced Uber ride later, we found ourselves at the Old Walled City and made our way to the Fort Road Food Street, which happens to be right next to … the Lahore Fort! Because that’s where the food street is! Which is something I would have known had it not been for the ‘certified hermit’ bit! 

Aaanyhow, there we stood … the lifelong Lahori and the foreigner who probably knew more about Lahore than the lifelong Lahori did, taking in the view of the bustling street, waiting for someone to snatch our bags, holding hands like that was going to protect us from getting mugged. 

The restaurant we had chosen, some helpful strangers told us, was in the building just beyond food street main. So off we went, my parents calling every two and a half milliseconds to check that I was still alive (which, surprisingly, I was). 

Before we even made it to the eatery though, our attention was very thoroughly stolen by what would become the centrepiece of our night: the Badshahi Masjid. Beautifully illuminated from within and bathing in the transcendent light of the full(ish) moon, the mosque stood like a magnificent conduit between the past and the present – a reminder of the city’s historic roots, a timeless monument and one of the most iconic buildings in the country. And also just breathtakingly beautiful. 

“That building is gorgeous!” said one half of my brain. 

“Excellent observation, Captain Obvious,” replied the snarkier other half.

“These two sides of my brain need to have a meeting,” sang Jack White in ‘Fell in Love with a Girl’ which has absolutely nothing to do with this story. 

After we managed to pick our jaws off the floor, we finally found the restaurant we had chosen, and which, the Internet had claimed, promised a five-star dining experience. (We stopped first at another food place a few doors down to compare menus, but they demanded a reservation, which we did not have, so we decided they suck anyway.) 

We arrived at what appeared to be a cosy nook decked in décor that seemed like an AI’s interpretation of traditional chic, and were led to an elevator … because apparently we had to go upstairs? Ok then. The other occupants of the lift said something about the roof … because apparently we were going to the roof? Ok then. 

The ding of the elevator, push the door open, walk onto the roof, and … holy skyline, Batman! In front of us was an unbelievably spectacular view of Lahore – the mosque illuminated against the night sky, the Minar-e-Pakistan glowing in the distance, the fort dark but majestic towards the side.

We were going to have dinner while looking at this view?! Well done, universe!

The menu – unfortunately for me and fortunately for the foreigner – was Pakistani food, or as we in Pakistan like to call it: food. Your kababs and tikkas and curries and biryanis and the like. Except everything cost about twice as much as it should have and tasted half as good.

But while the food may have been very resoundingly average, we couldn’t care less because LOOK AT THAT VIEW! 

That mosque … that beautiful, gorgeous, centuries-old mosque! Was this the same historical building I had dismissed as a child with an “it’s aiight” and a shrug? 

All this magnificent history in my own proverbial backyard … and yet somehow I had never stopped to think about its significance, the centuries-worth of stories that must lie beneath each brick, each tile, each brushstroke. 

We spent an hour and a half taking in the lovely view while pretending to enjoy the bland food and taking lots and lots of super blurry photos (thank you, Samsung J6+!) of each other and the food (which was really pretty, so points for that) and the mesmerising surroundings.

A preposterously huge bill – which came down to approximately “are you out of your mind?!” rupees (or “well that was a bargain” pounds because dang the exchange rate is brutal!) – and around 9345762 phone calls from my parents later, I was back in an overpriced Uber, on my way home, making my way back through a city that suddenly looked and felt so different.

When you spend your entire life in the same city, the same town, there is so much about it that you can start to just take for granted. The amazing things, the unique textures, they all become part of the background, something that a tourist would cherish because they’ve never seen them before, whereas for you they’re just part of the scenery.

I spoke to an Aussie friend about this experience the other day and she pointed out that many people fail to pay attention to the sites in their hometown, which is why there is a whole entire worldwide tourism industry that has to keep banging on about these well-known monuments, not just to attract foreigners but also to remind locals who are maybe overlooking the beauty of their own area.

My (very long-winded) point, dear reader, is this: don’t be one of those people. Appreciate everything – and everyone – around you. You don’t need a potential World Heritage Site to grab you by the shoulders and shake you into realizing what you’re missing. Not many people are lucky enough to live in a city as historied as Lahore or a country as diverse and fascinating as Pakistan, and if you’re here, then feel blessed and appreciate everything around you; if you’re not, then just stop and smell the roses – both literally and metaphorically – no matter where you find yourself.

- By Sameen Amer

Us Magazine, The News International - 26th May, 2023 *

March madness

roundup

From Marvel’s shakeup amidst internal turmoil to Pedro Pascal’s continuing world domination and Gwyneth Paltrow’s curious choice of eyewear, here’s what went down in the world of entertainment during the month of March.

Film

- Everything Everywhere All at Once won everything everywhere all at once, and all was right with the world multiverse.

- We marked the one year anniversary of The Slap by wondering … how has it been a year already, and holy heck, where did the time go??

- Netflix continued making movies that were best classified under the “why even bother” genre of filmmaking.

- Marvel gave us lots of drama; unfortunately almost all of it was of the backstage variety. Disney decided to merge Marvel Entertainment and Marvel Studios and fire controversial Chairman Isaac Perlmutter (supposedly as part of its cost-cutting layoffs), soon after getting rid of Victoria Alonso (because she breached her noncompete clause and/or clashed with Disney over censoring LGBTQ+ content overseas). 

The behind-the-scenes drama was more interesting than the last several MCU films combined.

- Lucasfilm cancelled several upcoming instalments of the Star Wars franchise, then announced some more so that they have something to cancel in a couple of years.

- Shazam! Fury of the Gods x (The Rock + the Snyderverse + the James Gunn DCU reset + superhero fatigue + the overall averageness of the movie) = box office bomb.

- John Wick 4 sucker-punched us with that ending, while reaffirming the series’ central theme: don’t mess with someone’s dog, yo.

- Gwyneth Paltrow showed us that a ski-crash trial is probably not the best platform for Jeffrey Dahmer cosplay. If this was an attempt to audition for the role of the serial killer in a biopic though, then … yeah, the Oscar pretty much wins itself.

- And Kamli, Joyland, and What’s Love Got to Do with It? were among the winners at this year's Mosaic International South Asian Film Festival. Because yes, we are awesome. Thank you for finally noticing, world!

Music

- Collaboration sets were in vogue this month as artists teamed up with each other because we all need someone, you guys. There were releases by Kaskade and Deadmau5 (as Kx5); Talib Kweli and Madlib; Rosalía and Rauw Alejandro; and Arooj Aftab, Vijay Iyer, and Shahzad Ismaily, among others, and we are not complaining. 

- Album announcements: March revealed that coming to our ears soonish will be new offerings from Alison Goldfrapp (May), Yusuf / Cat Stevens (June), Jenny Lewis (June), and Christine and the Queens (June). Also, Def Leppard announced that they have teamed up with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra for a collaborative album featuring new versions of their classic songs (May). And Matchbox Twenty revealed that they will release their first new album in over a decade (May).

- Brendon Urie effectively broke up with himself when his band, Panic! at the Disco – an outfit with literally one remaining permanent member – performed its final concert.

- Nearly five decades after her death, Mama Cass continued to inspire everyone to make your own kind of music.

- Miley Cyrus’s stupid ‘Flowers’ continued to be stuck in our stupid head as we continued to lose our stupid will to live.

- And yeah it’s been a month and a half, and no we still don’t know how Harry Styles won that Grammy either.

Television

- The Mandalorian released its third season, which is really season 4 because The Book of Boba Fett, but whatevs.

- Between The Mandalorian and the massively popular The Last of Us, Pedro Pascal's world domination continued. (And no, we should not focus on Harry Styles, Pedro!)

- Swarm created quite a buzz.

- Up Here was bafflingly unawesome.

- Tyra Banks announced she was leaving her Dancing with the Stars co-hosting gig. Julianne Hough will serve as her replacement. Who still watches DWTS though and what went wrong with their life is basically what our question is.

- Netflix made its foray into live events with its first ever livestream in the form of the Chris Rock stand-up comedy special Selective Outrage. So now there’s another thing Netflix can be aggressively mediocre at. 

- By Sameen Amer

Instep, The News on Sunday - 2nd April, 2023 *

In the picture: John Wick: Chapter 4

movie review

The fourth film in the very entertaining John Wick series delivers lots more action and even some affecting consequences.

John Wick: Chapter 4 ★★★1/2

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Donnie Yen, Bill Skarsgård, Laurence Fishburne, Hiroyuki Sanada, Shamier Anderson, Lance Reddick, Rina Sawayama, Scott Adkins, and Ian McShane

Directed by: Chad Stahelski

Tagline: Baba Yaga.

John Wick: Chapter 4 is basically a 3-hour long string of action sequences. And what a glorious string of action sequences it is!

The movie continues the tale of Keanu Reeves’ titular super-assassin as he attempts to settle the score and find the peace – whatever form it may take – that has eluded him since whatshisface made the very unfortunate decision to kill Wick’s dog.

Familiar faces return as we go around the world, from New York to Osaka to Berlin to Paris, with The High Table – represented this time by Bill Skarsgård’s odious Marquis Vincent de Gramont – still trying to eliminate Wick, while the protagonist continues his quest for revenge against the nefarious criminal organization.

Lots and lots of fighting ensues. You’ve got skirmishes of all varieties with some innovative choreography on display here, the body count soaring with each well-crafted, well-performed, hyper-stylized action set piece.

It does feel a little overlong and there are times when the epic run of violence starts to border on tedium, but what keeps Chapter 4 riveting is the fact that we are already invested in the fate of its characters. (There isn’t enough character building in this instalment on its own, so make sure you watch the previous three films first if you really want to enjoy this episode.)  

The wins make you cheers, the losses resonate. Reeves is always easy to root for, the supporting performances are terrific – Donnie Yen (playing a blind assassin) and Hiroyuki Sanada (portraying the manager of the Osaka Continental) particularly stand out; and there are characters – like Rina Sawayama’s Akira – who have so much potential as the franchise goes on.

Chad Stahelski makes sure that everything, from the adrenaline rush to the sombre tones, hits its mark. 

All in all, Chapter 4 is yet another entertaining instalment of what has been a solid action series. Enjoy the impressive fight choreography and stunt work, and feel quite a few emotions as the film reaches its tragic but satisfying conclusion.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5

- By Sameen Amer

Instep, The News on Sunday - 2nd April, 2023 *

The storyteller

interview

Jemima Khan sheds light on the experience of making documentaries and how it compares to working on scripted projects.

Jemima Khan has been in the public eye for much of her adult life, garnering (often unsolicited) attention for everything from her personal exploits to her philanthropic efforts. But what you may not realize about her is that she has also established an impressive career as a documentary producer. Through Instinct Productions – a content company she founded almost a decade ago – Jemima has helped shine a light on interesting real-life stories and fascinating individuals, with her work earning praise along the way.

“I really like producing documentaries,” Jemima tells Instep, “and I normally have a really personal reason for making the stories that I then devote myself to.”

The projects she has backed include the Emmy-nominated docuseries The Clinton Affair, which explored the Bill Clinton–Monica Lewinsky scandal – a subject she revisited in the Golden Globe- and Emmy-nominated Impeachment, the third season of the scripted American Crime Story anthology series, for which she, again, served as a producer – and another Emmy-nominated documentary, The Case Against Adnan Syed, the story of a young man wrongfully convicted of murdering his ex-girlfriend.

Comparing the experience of producing documentaries to that of working on a scripted project – like her new film What’s Love Got to Do with It?, her foray into screenwriting – the Brit highlights the difference in control over the projects and how long it takes to complete them. “Producing normally takes a couple of years, and you see it through to the end and you are intricately involved, but it's not the same thing as writing,” she says. “Writing was a completely different experience.”

She also feels there are things you can achieve with a scripted project that you perhaps can't do with a documentary. “I have one project where I did both the documentary version and the scripted drama version. That was the Monica Lewinsky impeachment story,” she elaborates. “I think we could possibly do more to show the turmoil and pain of the central character of Monica Lewinsky with a scripted drama, because you could go behind the scenes, and you could see stuff that isn't on camera; you have to make that stuff up but I think there's a level of emotional engagement that you can get sometimes with scripted that you might not be able to get if the archive is lacking with a documentary.”

It was perhaps this flexibility that inspired her to go the scripted route with What’s Love, a film with which she aimed to present Pakistani in a positive light. “I wanted it to be a very celebratory film about Pakistan. I wanted it to be about colour and music and architecture and the food and really to get a very visceral sense of the country. I felt that a cinematic experience on the big screen would do that more effectively.”

She remains passionate about her documentary work though, and you can see why, given the impact some of her projects appear to have had. 

Coming out this year is the final episode of the docuseries she made about the case of Adnan Syed, the American Muslim who was put away for life when he was 17 for a crime that he did not commit. “We made a documentary about that for American and British TV called The Case Against Adnan Syed. Basically that boy was incarcerated because of Islamophobia straight up because they had a so-called cultural consultant – a white American consultant – who went into the court and said these people do honour killings; basically on that basis, without any DNA evidence, without any motive, he was put away for life. So he's been in jail for the whole of his life.”

Adnan, now in his mid-40s, has just been exonerated, thanks in part to the work by Jemima and her team. The upcoming episode sees Adnan walking free and moved the producer to tears. “I watched the cut last night and it made me sob, because his family really remind me of Imran's family, my ex-husband's family,” she says. “They're a Pathan family and I think his ancestors are from Lahore, and it's so moving, because this family has been destroyed by what happened to them. The father hasn't left his bedroom and became agoraphobic because of the shame and because of the grief of what happened. This A grade student who was wrongly convicted, and you see the moment where he walks in and he hugs his father after 20 plus years and it's very moving, so I’m very privileged to have been part of that [project] because some of the evidence that we collected over the making of the documentary is what got him freed in the final episode.” And that, she explains, is why she remains passionate about exploring real-life stories and documenting reality.

- By Sameen Amer

Instep, The News on Sunday - 26th March, 2023 *

In the picture: Shazam! Fury of the Gods

movie review

The very unexceptional Shazam sequel doesn’t make the most of its plot’s underlying whimsy but still remains watchable.

Shazam! Fury of the Gods ★★★

Starring: Zachary Levi, Asher Angel, Jack Dylan Grazer, Rachel Zegler, Adam Brody, Ross Butler, Meagan Good, Lucy Liu, Djimon Hounsou, and Helen Mirren

Directed by: David F. Sandberg

Tagline: Oh. My. Gods.

As the DC Extended Universe attempts to reshape itself (hopefully into something more compelling than the mess we’ve gotten over the last decade), we are left with the final pre-reboot projects before the DCEU morphs into the DCU. Among these remnants is Shazam! Fury of the Gods, the second outing of teenager Billy Batson and his foster siblings who transform into adult superheroes upon reciting the titular magical phrase.

Their nemeses, this time around, are the Daughters of Atlas: commanding Hespera (Helen Mirren), vengeful Kalypso (Lucy Liu), and kind-hearted Anthea (Rachel Zegler). They seek retribution and aim to reclaim the magic that was stolen from them long ago. 

The sorceresses face off against the Shazamily in what is basically a standard issue superhero caper. You have the charming, well-meaning, sometimes-bumbling good guys. You have the baddies with their textbook nefarious plan that threatens the world. And you are never in any doubt about which side will emerge victorious. 

It’s all very generic and not quite as delightful as its predecessor. The story doesn’t take any interesting or creative turns and isn’t even brave enough to deliver meaningful consequences. The humour is amusing in parts, cringey in others. And the script could definitely have done with more polish. 

For all its faults though, Fury of the Gods is still fun. Even when the adventure is less than exciting, the proceedings aren’t exactly boring, thanks in large part to Zachary Levi’s charisma. He remains terrific as the adult version of the protagonist (even when the writing is failing him and his character), and we can only hope James Gunn and co. will allow him to continue his Shazam journey as they rework the struggling DC franchise.

All in all, the Shazam sequel falls firmly in the “turn off your brain and enjoy the silly adventure” category. It’s a middling popcorn flick with a solid cast and enough heart and moments of wit to keep you invested in the predictable tale. If you choose to give it a pass though, you won’t be missing much.

Rating: 3 out of 5

- By Sameen Amer

Instep, The News on Sunday - 26th March, 2023 *

All you need is love

cover story

English writer and producer Jemima Khan talks to Instep about her film, What’s Love Got to Do with It?

Jemima Khan is an absolute pleasure to speak with.

You might expect her to have airs and graces – what with her affluent upbringing, global recognition, successful media career, high-profile relationships, and proximity to royalty – but nothing could be further from the truth.

The Brit is about as delightful as they come. 

Sitting in her London office, dressed in off-white and looking as lovely as always, the writer and producer joins me for a chat over Zoom. She is friendly, candid, and forthcoming, as we delve into the subject of our conversation: her work, primarily her new film, What's Love Got to Do with It?

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match

The British romcom marks Jemima's debut as a screenwriter, and takes a cross-cultural look at love through the lens of Lily James's Zoe, a documentary filmmaker who follows her childhood friend, Kaz (Shazad Latif), as he opts to let his family arrange his marriage.

It's a sweet, fun drama, driven by Jemima's warm script that weaves Pakistani culture into the British tale. So what sparked the idea for the movie? 

“It kind of started when I came back from Pakistan, having lived there for ten years,” she replies. “My friends were at the age that they were looking to settle down and have children and looking for suitable partners. Because I'd just come out of this ten years where it was completely normal for family to get involved in the choice of suitable partners, I would get overly involved and start saying, 'ok let's look at it like an arranged marriage', and they were like, 'wait, what are you talking about?!',” she laughs.

Jemima's understanding of the whole “arranged marriage” concept had evolved during her stay in Pakistan. When she first arrived here at age 20, she saw the tradition as an outdated idea that really had no place in the modern world. By the time she left a decade later, she could see that it actually worked quite well in some circumstances, particularly when it took the shape of what her former in-laws would call “assisted marriage” where it was essentially an introduction made by the people who love you most and know you best. “I started to see that as just as good an introduction system as a random algorithm on a dating app over here,” she says. “And so I started having this conversation with friends here, and then I started to think what would have happened if I had been in my 30s, hadn't had the backstory that I've had, I hadn't been married with kids – what would happen if someone like me had had an arranged marriage in my early 30s? Who might my parents have chosen, and would it have worked out? And then I thought, well actually maybe that's a premise for a film! Maybe we'll have these neighbours who live together and the non-Pakistani family start off very sceptical but then it gets to the point where the non-British Pakistani character, who's played by Lily James, turns to her mother and says, 'alright, give it a go'. So that's where it started.”

Labour of love

The film has now arrived in cinemas, 14 years after its idea first popped into the writer’s mind. It took her a decade to write the screenplay (not full-time, of course; she was fitting the project into a busy schedule that included running a production company, and also still learning the mechanics of writing a screenplay). She almost gave up several times along the way, thinking the project was never going to happen, but her persistence eventually paid off. 

“When people are asking me what my next project is now, I'm like, well, you know, you'll see it in 2040 probably. I mean it takes such a long time!”

Not only does it take long, but the process of making a movie involves a lot of people – from directors and editors to actors and musicians – each of whom leave their mark on the project. “I've written probably a thousand different drafts of this,” she states, “because every single time a new person is attached to it, they give you notes, and then you rewrite it.” 

That explains why the movie we have ended up with isn’t quite the film Jemima set out to make. “It's a different project from the one that I embarked on,” she says. “There are so many different people involved in the making of a film that from start to finish, it's a completely different thing. How I first imagined it is not how's it's turned out, for better and for worse. … There are definitely things where it achieved more than I hoped and things where it achieved less than I hoped.”

Some of the elements that changed along the way? “I started off with the Lily James character being a boy,” she reveals. And there were a few actors – including Rob Brydon – who never made it into the final cut, mainly because of the length of the movie. “There was another sibling in the film and their husband [as well],” she tells. “We cut them out because it was just too many different stories to follow. And nothing to do with them. They were brilliant. But you know it just sometimes happens.”

Picture perfect

When it came to the cast, Jemima feels that her team were incredibly lucky. Every actor who ended up in the movie – from the leads to Shabana Azmi, Emma Thompson, and Sajal Aly – had actually been the filmmakers’ first choice. 

“I always really wanted Shazad Latif to play the main lead guy in it. I'd seen him in another film and thought he was really good for the part. And then it happened that he is really good friends with Lily James; they're childhood friends, so it suited the backstory of the characters really well.” 

The effortlessly charming Emma Thompson was a very obvious choice to portray Zoe’s mother. “We wanted someone of similar stature and similar talent to play opposite Emma and Lily. Sajal Aly felt like that for Lily and Shabana Azmi felt like that for Emma. They felt very well matched. I really believe that Emma and Shabana were friends and lived next door and adored each other, and I felt that Sajal needed to be a really plausible love rival for Lily James, and I feel like Sajal manages that.”

Even Asim Chaudhry was hand-picked by the writer. “I wrote the part of Mo the matchmaker for him. My children are really big fans of his, and I basically sent him a begging direct message on Instagram, saying ‘please, please, please, my children will love me forever if you agree to be in this film!’”

Her plan to please her kids appears to have worked; the movie has their seal of approval! “I was really nervous showing them [the movie] because they're my biggest critics and they don't like romcoms,” she says. “Actually they were really sweet. They shed a tear, they definitely laughed, and they said they were proud, so that was one of the best moments for me in the whole process. I showed them quite an early cut and we did it in the screening room at work, and I remember having this thought, ‘oh it doesn't matter, whatever else happens, even if no one else likes it, my children have liked it, and I have to try and remember this moment’.”

Who needs a stereotype when a stereotype can be broken?

As luck would have it though, her children aren’t the only ones who have positive things to say about the movie. And while she wants people to be entertained by the romcom, Jemima also hopes to demolish a few stereotypes and misperceptions along the way.

“One of the best things to have come out of it is that loads of my friends who have never been to Pakistan are like ‘oh my god, we wanna go to Pakistan!’ I feel like it should be on the tourist board,” she jokes.

“Maybe if some previously held ideas are somewhat challenged [by watching] the film, then that's a good thing,” she says. “To be honest, one of the other reasons why I made it was because I used to always hear my friends, [especially] in Lahore, where they would say the way we are always projected on screen in all the films that win awards, we are always the baddies. The Muslims are always the baddies in Hollywood films, in things like Homeland or Zero Dark Thirty. Pakistanis and/or Muslims are always seen as the shady ISI operatives, the terrorists, and all the [villains]. And I think it was a challenge. It was my aim to make a film in which that's not the case and actually the Pakistani family are very aspirational and there aren't really any baddies in the film, and it's a celebration.” 

Jemima is touched by the response of British Asians who have remarked on this aspect of the movie. “I feel like my intentions have been fulfilled. I set out with a very clear intention. I actually really wanted Pakistanis to like it. I was really most nervous about that audience. You know the concept of niyat, about intentions – it was one of the nice philosophies that I took away from Pakistan, that actions should be judged by intentions. And that was definitely my intention. Whenever I got scared about the film, I’d think, ‘it's ok, whatever the reaction, you know what your intentions were’, and I think that that has hopefully paid off in the reaction here.”

Real to reel

While What’s Love Got to Do with It? is inspired by some of the things she experienced during her decade in Pakistan, the project is not autobiographical. But if someone were making a movie about her life, who would she want to portray her in the film? “Gosh!” she smiles. “I don't know! I don't think I’d write a film about my life,” she chuckles. “I'd be too worried about breaking confidences and upsetting people, so I don't know. I genuinely have never thought about that.”

And would she consider writing an autobiography? “I think the same answer applies. I think … “ she pauses. “I would consider it; whether I would ever actually do it is another question. I think probably not. The answer is not at the moment.”

She will, however, continue to shine a light on the lives of people who deserve it. Her upcoming work includes the final episode of the documentary The Case Against Adnan Syed. (You can read more about her documentary projects in our next issue.)

And yes, she is also planning to do some more screenwriting. “I think I'm going to write something … I have an idea what it is but I'm not totally sure so I can't talk about it yet. You'll hear about it in 15 years!”

- By Sameen Amer

Instep, The News on Sunday - 19th March, 2023 *