In the picture: The Old Guard

movie review

The Old Guard is an uneven but entertaining action flick

The Old Guard

Starring: Charlize Theron, KiKi Layne, Matthias Schoenaerts, Marwan Kenzari, Luca Marinelli, and Chiwetel Ejiofor

Directed by: Gina Prince-Bythewood

Tagline: Forever is harder than it looks.

Over the last decade, we have become so accustomed to Marvel and DC escapades ruling the cinematic summer that the current lack of superhero blockbusters seems downright peculiar. But while members of the Avengers and the Justice League have been forced to take an unexpected hiatus, Netflix is making sure that comic book characters aren’t entirely missing from our screens.

The streaming giant’s latest action flick finds the immortal heroes of Greg Rucka’s The Old Guard making their film debut in what Netflix clearly hopes will become the first installment of a successful franchise.

The movie follows a team of mercenaries - Booker (Matthias Schoenaerts), Joe (Marwan Kenzari), Nicky (Luca Marinelli), and their leader Andy (Charlize Theron) - whose regenerative abilities have kept them alive for centuries. But there’s a catch: their healing powers don’t last forever.

Dreadful past experiences have taught the group that they need to hide their presence from the world for fear of being ostracized, captured, experimented on, and/or tortured.

They realize their secret is out, though, when their latest mission turns out to be a set up. Hired by an ex-CIA operative, James Copley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), to save kidnapped children, the team instead has to fight their way out of an ambush.

The seemingly miraculous recovery of a U.S. Marine in Afghanistan, meanwhile, alerts the group to the presence of a new immortal, Nile (KiKi Layne), who is then rescued by Andy but is reluctant to accept her destiny.

With or without their newest member, the heroes must try to figure out how to neutralize their foe before they are turned into lab rats for a money hungry pharma exec (Harry Melling) who wants to study them and unlock the secret to their powers.

Director Gina Prince-Bythewood builds an interesting world led by a strong character who is all the more compelling thanks to the performance of the very well cast Charlize Theron; the actress excels at playing such ass-kicking, moody roles. A handful of well-orchestrated action sequences add thrill to the proceedings and are at their best when they make use of the immortality aspect during the fights.

But in its attempt to mix the action with human drama, the film runs into pacing issues. Because of the weaknesses in the screenplay, the exposition isn’t exactly the most riveting part of this two hours long film. There are developments that aren’t entirely convincing and elements that just feel shoehorned into the tale. And even with its overlong running time, the movie still fails to explain even the basics of its immortality premise and the mechanics of the regeneration. (What, for instance, would happen if they were dismembered?)

And for an outfit of amazing immortals, the team sadly doesn’t get the chance to face a worthy foe. Instead we have an antagonist who seems more cartoonish than menacing.

That said, The Old Guard is still a fun, entertaining popcorn flick. The film may make you wish it had shed its more generic elements, and while it may not make the most of its intriguing premise or dig as deep as its themes demand, it does manage to create a fascinating world and deliver an enjoyable action outing.

Rating: 3 out of 5

- By Sameen Amer

Instep, The News on Sunday - 19th July, 2020 *

In the picture: Desperados

movie review

An unoriginal premise and a weak, unfunny script make the new Netflix comedy Desperados a complete disappointment

Desperados

Starring: Nasim Pedrad, Anna Camp, Lamorne Morris, Sarah Burns, and Robbie Amell

Directed by: LP

The accidental or regrettable email has been a subplot in several comedies. Anne Hathaway’s frazzled Jules sent one not too long ago in The Intern (2015); her employees then went on a mini heist to delete the offending message from the recipient’s computer. Julia Roberts’ love-struck Jules also wrote one in My Best Friend’s Wedding all the way back in 1997, albeit with entirely different intentions. In each case, the shenanigans revolving around the problematic email were used mostly as brief detours along the central journey. The new film Desperados, however, takes this unoriginal concept and unwisely decides to stretch it to feature length, and, even more unwisely, chooses to pair it with crude humour. The results are more cringe-worthy than amusing.

The sender of the email this time around is shockingly not a Jules but a guidance counselor named Wesley (portrayed by SNL alum Nasim Pedrad) who isn’t having much luck finding a job or a boyfriend. Right after a failed blind date with a man named Sean (Lamorne Morris), a chance encounter with the charming Jared (Robbie Amell) makes her feel like she has found the perfect guy. Desperate to make the relationship work, she hides her eccentricities and turns into a completely different person in the hopes of pleasing her man. But when her new beau proceeds to ghost her, Wesley gets drunk with her best friends, Brooke (Anna Camp) and Kaylie (Sarah Burns), and sends Jared a very insulting email, only to find out that he is in fact injured and stuck in a hospital in Mexico.

Scared that if Jared reads the email it would mean the end of their relationship, Wes goes to Cabo, her BFFs in tow. The ladies’ plan is to break into Jared’s hotel room, find his devices, and delete the message. 

You’d reckon things would go amusingly wrong, but sadly hilarity is in short supply here. Instead you have predictable developments, tired shenanigans, and distasteful gags, courtesy of an unfunny script by Ellen Rapoport and LP’s indistinctive direction.

Desperados clearly wants to emulate the success of the significantly funnier Bridesmaids and Girls Trip but its crew lacks the talent to match the wit and warmth of these acclaimed comedies.

Even its cast, as charming as the actors may be, struggle to do much with the weak material they have been given. Pedrad has chemistry with her onscreen love interests, but there are times when she seems like a supporting player who has been put in charge of a vehicle she can’t fully command. Camp just makes you wish her talent hadn’t been wasted on this tired script.

Towards the end, Desperados tries to deliver a few heartfelt moments and positive messages, but the film ultimately lacks the wit and emotional depth that would make the morals impactful or the journey worthwhile.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5

- By Sameen Amer

Instep, The News on Sunday - 12th July, 2020 *

In the picture: Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga

movie review

Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga is charming, feel-good fun

Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga

Starring: Will Ferrell, Rachel McAdams, Pierce Brosnan, Dan Stevens, Melissanthi Mahut, Mikael Persbrandt, and Demi Lovato

Directed by: David Dobkin

Tagline: Nobody wins solo.

The ongoing pandemic may have deprived the world of the Eurovision Song Contest this year, but a new Netflix musical comedy is now here to fill the void left by the campy contest’s absence.

Co-written and co-produced by its star, Will Ferrell, Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga warmly captures the Pan-European competition’s over-the-top spectacle and joyous ridiculousness while telling a heart-warming tale of small-town dreamers along the way.

Ferrell plays hapless Icelander Lars who has been obsessed with Eurovision ever since he witnessed ABBA’s legendary winning entry, ‘Waterloo’, in 1974 when he was a child. His lifelong goal thenceforth has been to win the popular show, much to the embarrassment of his disapproving father Erick (Pierce Brosnan). Supporting his ambitions, though, is his childhood friend Sigrit (Rachel McAdams) with whom he has a band called Fire Saga and who happens to have unrequited feelings for him. 

Lars’s musical dreams seem highly improbable, which is why it comes as a complete surprise to everyone when, by the power of flukes, Fire Saga find themselves on track to represent their country at the forthcoming Eurovision ceremony.

As the underdogs progress (almost always despite themselves), each ridiculous turn finds the film amusingly paying homage to the competition that inspired it while gently poking fun at its eccentricities, backstage shenanigans, and politics. Being familiar with the contest certainly helps the viewing experience; there are cameo appearances by past contestants as well as references to others, and plenty of in-jokes that will make more sense to those who have experienced the annual extravaganza.

Even if you’ve never heard of the contest before though, you’ll still find it hard not to be invested in the goofy drama, thanks in large part to the charms of Rachel McAdams who brings such warmth and sweetness to her role that you can’t help but root for her character. Ferrell (not the most intuitive choice for the lead, but this is a project he appears to have spearheaded after all) is likable enough as Lars; however, it’s ultimately McAdams’s talent that makes the unlikely pairing work.

It also helps that the movie’s soundtrack is a catchy, cheesy Europop triumph. The original tracks are so perfectly suited to the setting that it isn’t a stretch to imagine songs like ‘Double Trouble’, ‘Come and Play’, and the hilariously OTT ‘Lion of Love’ being performed on the actual Eurovision stage. Also, the film makes the very wise decision to not let Pierce Brosnan sing and that’s always a plus.

There are, however, several missteps on the Fire Saga trail. The journey is overlong; there are a few slow stretches and times when the tale loses momentum. And the overall take on Eurovision is more affectionate than satirical; a more skewered slant could have potentially made the wit sharper, although then we would have admittedly ended up with an entirely different movie altogether. (Some would also point out the redundancy of lampooning a competition that often seems to accomplish that very goal all by itself.)

Despite all that, Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga is still a whole lot of escapist fun. The film is very likely to leave you with a smile on your face, and given the kind of year we’re having, this just might be the burst of joyous silliness that this dreary summer needed.

Rating: 3 out of 5

- By Sameen Amer

Instep, The News International - 5th July, 2020 *

In the picture: The Wrong Missy

movie review

Netflix romantic comedy The Wrong Missy is an irredeemable mess

The Wrong Missy

Starring: David Spade, Lauren Lapkus, Nick Swardson, Geoff Pierson, Jackie Sandler, Sarah Chalke, Rob Schneider, Chris Witaske, Joe "Roman Reigns" Anoai, and Molly Sims

Directed by: Tyler Spindel

Tagline: There’s no untexting her now.

Few companies seem as impervious to criticism as Happy Madison appears to be. Undeterred by the critical ravaging that its features have been receiving, Adam Sandler’s production outfit keeps churning out lacklustre comedies (often starring Sandler’s friends) that all end up being similar shades of awful. It isn’t exactly surprising then that the production company’s latest film, The Wrong Missy, is all kinds of, well, wrong. 

Yet another vehicle for Sandler’s family and friends, the Netflix comedy easily ranks among Happy Madison’s worst offerings.

The film stars a dull David Spade as Tim, a bank executive who is vying for a promotion, going up against his workplace competitor, Jess (Jackie Sandler, because nepotism). When his firm arranges a work retreat in Hawaii (an event that will also be attended by his ex-fiancée Julia, portrayed by Sarah Chalke), Tim plans to ask Melissa (Molly Sims), a beautiful woman he met at an airport, to join him on the vacation. But because of a texting mix-up, he ends up inadvertently inviting Missy (Lauren Lapkus), an unhinged woman with whom he once went on a terrible blind date. 

An uninspired string of grating hijinks thereby ensues. It’s all completely implausible, yet exhaustingly predictable, and painfully unfunny to boot. A significant problem – one of several, clearly – is Lapkus’s Missy. The character isn’t amusingly quirky; instead, she is thoroughly obnoxious. While Lapkus may otherwise be a skilled comedic actress, even her efforts can’t really do much to redeem her insufferable character. The issue, though, isn’t just the dated premise and cringe-worthy attempts at humour. Sure this is supposed to be a raunchy comedy, but the antics here range from uncomfortable and unpleasant to downright problematic. Flip the genders and you’d see these actions as absolutely unacceptable.

As for the aforementioned nepotism, Adam’s wife, Jackie, isn’t the only Sandler who has a role in the movie; the couple’s daughters, Sadie and Sunny, and nephew, Jared, also make appearances. Plus Sandler’s comrades Nick Swardson and Rob Schneider are also in the film for some reason.

At this point, we know better than to expect much from a Happy Madison production, but even by those standards, The Wrong Missy is still a disappointment. It’s sad to see everyone involved with this project wasting their (in some cases considerable) talent on such twaddle when they could (and should) be working on something better instead.

Rating: 0 out of 5

- By Sameen Amer

Instep, The News on Sunday - 28th June, 2020 *

The wonderful world of Sameen

cover story

Sameen Amer has been conducting interviews for Us for years, helping us find out more about our favourite celebrities. But now we have finally managed to turn the tables! Together with some of Sameen’s friends, we have asked her a bunch of questions so that we can learn more about our star interviewer. Read on to find out more about our focus of the week…

Us: So, we have a few questions for you. Are you ready?

Sameen: Not really. I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?

Us: Probably, yes.

Sameen: At least you’re honest about it. Go on then…

Anny (friend): What is the first thing you remember writing?

Sameen: The first thing I remember writing is a poem. I was maybe 4 or 5 years old at the time. And yes, I still remember the poem, because I was clearly so proud of it that I decided to commit it not just to any sort of fleeting memory but to long-term, permanent memory. You can hardly blame me though, for it’s an absolute masterpiece:

   I have a pet bunny,

   It is very funny,

   It likes to eat honey,

   But has no money.

See? Told you it was pure genius. I’ll take my Pulitzer now, thanks.

I also remember writing embarrassingly ridiculous letters to my mom’s brother (who lives abroad) when I was a kid. If anyone ever finds them, burn them immediately, then take their ashes and feed them to a llama, and neuralize yourself to erase all memory of what you just saw. Also, take the poor llama to a vet because how could you feed it ashes? So irresponsible!

Us: What inspired you to become a writer?

Sameen: Did you read that bunny poem I wrote? I mean, it was clearly inevitable that I’d spend my life blessing the world with my writings.

More relevant to Us Magazine though, I somehow ended up studying computer science (for reasons that still remain a mystery to me) in my teens, and to escape that torture, I started writing for Us. The rest, as they say, is just pure damn luck.

Xulfi (musician): In a parallel universe, what do you think you would be doing?

Sameen: When I was a child, I really, really wanted to be an astronaut, so I hope some alternative version of me got to live that (ridiculously improbable) dream.

Much more likely though is that my parallel universe self is trying to do comedy (and hopefully having more luck than I am).

Us: How has your writing style changed over time?

Sameen: I’m not sure it has. You can’t really top “bunny, funny, honey, money”, can you, so why even try.

Margaret & Dennis (Aussie parents): What is the most interesting response you have ever received to something you have written? And would you recommend journalism as a career to your best friend?

Sameen: It’s always fascinating when the subjects of an article or the people mentioned therein unexpectedly respond to the piece. Like, when Dave Cullen (author of Columbine) and Robert Glancy (who has written several novels including Terms & Conditions) somehow came across my reviews of their books and posted comments in response, for instance; that was pretty awesome.

Journalism is an exciting field, but I’d recommend freelance journalism/writing to my best friend only if I hate her very much and want her to be broke for the rest of her life. The speed with which certain newspapers and magazines issue payments (if they pay at all!) … let’s just say my great, great, great grandkittens are going to be very rich.

Anny: Why does print media still exist?

Sameen: What else are you going to line your hamster cage with? What will you use to package breakables? And how else are you going to do papier-mâché?

Seriously though, for me personally, digital just can’t compare to print. Be it books or newspapers and magazines, I will always prefer the print versions.

Us: What’s more fun, reviews or interviews?

Sameen: Interview pieces are easier to write, but you’re basically helping relay someone else’s thoughts, so, while it’s interesting journalistically, it’s not as rewarding for you as a writer. Reviews are definitely more fun to write.

Us: You are the first Pakistani critic who has been approved by Rotten Tomatoes. What is it like to have your reviews on RT?

Sameen: Initially, it just seemed unbelievable. I was fairly certain they had made a mistake. Surely there was another film critic also named Sameen Amer (for that is such a common name) they were confusing me with?

I’ve since made peace with the fact that I’m super awesome, so while being Tomatometer-approved still feels incredible, it seems less surreal now.

Anny: Has being on Rotten Tomatoes changed anything for you? Do you eat more or less tomatoes as a result?

Sameen: Heck no @ tomatoes. I refuse to eat tomatoes. Down with healthy foods! Turn the tomatoes into sauce and put it on a pizza with extra cheese and a side of fries, thank you very much.

I actually did ask the folks at RT if being Tomatometer-approved came with any perks, like a lifetime supply of (preferably not rotten) tomatoes; they did not answer that query. They did confirm that I am (and congratulate me for being) the first critic from Pakistan approved by RT, so … yay, I guess? #HumbleBrag

Tooba (sub-editor): If you were writing your autobiography, what title would you give it?

Sameen: Well That Went Terribly Wrong: The Story of My Life by Sameen Amer.

Hazel (friend): What was your last dream about? 

Sameen: The last dream I remember having was … [thinks] oh dear … I … dreamt … that … I … (I can’t believe I’m typing this) … I dreamt that I was trying to interview One Direction (??) but they kept showing up in twos and threes and kept randomly leaving. 

Even in my dreams I’m trying to interview people, and even in my dreams it’s not going well!

I also dreamt a few months ago that I was interviewing Will Smith. (??!!) 

Why, brain, why!

Haroon (singer): What is your biggest dream?

Sameen: At the moment, it would be to never have a dream about One Direction again.

I’m scared to go to sleep. What if they return?

Help me!

Hazel: What is your most embarrassing moment? 

Sameen: Right now ranks fairly high on the list.

Anny: Are there any public figures you have wanted to interview but not been able to pin down?

Sameen: Other than 1D, you mean? Who, according to the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind, I’m desperate to interview? (I really need to have a word with my subconscious!)

We did a special animal rights issue of Us Mag after my lovely friendly stray dog, Rocket, was brutally killed by the animal culling brigade. We reached out to various political parties to inquire their stance on animal rights, but did not hear back from any of them. Two of my friends introduced me to political figures, and even though both politicians were supposedly interested – one actually said their party leader speaking to me about animal rights would be a “very good idea” – delays and evasiveness eventually followed and the interviews never materialized. 

You’d think the government is meant to both represent and be answerable to the people, but sometimes it just doesn’t feel like it.

Haroon: What is the one thing you believe would make you the happiest?

Sameen: If there was a way to help all the animals everywhere, if I knew animals would always get help and not have to suffer – I think that would make me the happiest. Nothing breaks my heart more than watching animals suffer.

Hazel: What is the funniest thing your cats have done?

Sameen: They do several funny things per minute, so it’s hard to pick the funniest.

Haroon: If you could go back and change something about your life, what would it be?

Sameen: That’s a tough one. Everything that has happened in my life has made me who I am. If I were to change anything about my past, then I wouldn’t be me anymore. So I suppose I shouldn’t change anything?

Xulfi: If you had many superpowers and had to give one up, which one would you let go?

Sameen: DC’s Section 8 superhero team has a member called Dogwelder, whose “power” is that he can “weld dead canines to evildoers”. So yeah, totally don’t need that superpower!

Which power I’d give up would ultimately depend on which powers I had though. Like, I could give up web-shooting if I also had, say, superstrength and the ability to fly, for instance.

Nilofar & Amer (parents): If you were the President of the Galaxy, what would you do?

Sameen: Resign. I’m no Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Tooba: If you were stranded alone on a desert island and were only allowed to have three things, what would you take with you?

Sameen: Wait, why on Earth am I even on this island? Who is taking care of Jolly? Have they been giving her her daily inhaler?

I don’t need to take three things with me; just the one will do: a fully-equipped, remotely piloted aircraft with GPS and satellite communication. Get me the hell out of here!

Jolly (furbaby): [walks on keyboard] yhgyhjnkg

Sameen: Now look what you’ve done, Tooba. You’ve upset little Jolly! 

Don’t let Aunty Tooba worry you, my lovely ball of fur; I’ll be back from that imaginary island before you know it!

Xulfi: What will your reaction be if one day it dawns upon the world that COVID-19 was actually a software update for Earth?

Sameen: I’ll be upset at the programmers for causing our avatars so much grief.

Before we chalk this up to a software bug or a glitch in the Matrix though, we must consider a much simpler explanation: we’re just in the darkest timeline. (#SixSeasonsAndAMovie) We really should have realized that a while ago. Like, the Holocaust pretty much gave it away. Also pineapple pizzas. And deep-fried Mars bars. And Taylor Swift. And the Kardashians. (The Kardashians alone make a pretty convincing case, some would argue.)

(Oh and full disclosure: I’ve never actually had a pineapple pizza. Or a deep-fried Mars bar. But in my defence, why would I even want to?)

Us: What advice would you like to give to the sub-editors of Us Magazine?

Sameen: Pay me already! Thanks a bunch.

Us: Any message for the readers?

Sameen: To borrow from Fred Rogers: Be kind. Be kind. Be kind.

Us Magazine, The News International - 19th June, 2020 *

Fantastic voyage

book review

An award-winning author writes an accessible and entertaining book, chock-full of facts and historical anecdotes, that captures the wondrous nature and failings of the human body

Book: The Body: A Guide for Occupants

Author: Bill Bryson

The most fascinating thing about our seemingly unassuming but wholly remarkable planet is simply our very presence on it. The Earth’s ability to host life makes it the most special rock in our galactic neighbourhood, and life itself is perhaps the biggest wonder our universe has to offer. The fact that a handful of elements come together to form conscious, living, breathing, fully functional — and, occasionally, even intelligent — human beings, is nothing short of a miracle. And it is this incredible human form that is the subject of Bill Bryson’s The Body: A Guide for Occupants.

From the award-winning, bestselling author of A Short History of Nearly Everything and At Home: A Short History of Private Life, this new book is an entertaining and enlightening tour of our inner workings, taking a look at how we function and, more disconcertingly, malfunction.

The book offers an insightful discussion on anatomy, delving into the workings of the different parts and elements that make up a human, including the circulatory, respiratory, digestive, nervous, endocrine, immune, skeletomuscular and reproductive systems. Bryson gives readers a concise explanation of how each facet of the body works and how different organs come together to give us the ability to perform everyday functions and survive in an environment that often proves to be all too hostile.

Despite our resourcefulness, our species remains susceptible to various health problems, so alongside details on how it works, Bryson also sheds light on how the human body falters. A number of ailments, ranging from issues with pathogenic, genetic, evolutionary and even self-inflicted causes, are discussed. Our design flaws are analysed and the impact of our unhealthy lifestyles is often highlighted.

The book also sheds light on how, over the years, we have developed an understanding of both the functioning of the body and the diseases that plague it. We read about how patients in the past were subjected to painful, ineffective and sometimes even counterintuitive remedies, and learn about the work of dedicated researchers whose tireless efforts led to improvements in medical science, from which we benefit today and without whom we might still be suffering from what are now either preventable or treatable maladies.

It is disheartening to see how many of these remarkable researchers have been all but forgotten over time, especially by the general public. It is a peculiarity of our global culture that we shower those who entertain us with disproportionate wealth and attention, while overlooking those who have worked painstakingly to improve our lives. The Body will hopefully inspire readers to find out more about the likes of such people and offer them the gratitude they so rightly deserve.

Bryson provides a starting point to do just that, informing us about pathologist Theobald Smith, who discovered the causes of several infectious and parasitic diseases; geneticist Nettie Stevens, who discovered the X and Y chromosomes and the fact that males determine the gender of offspring; and neurophysiologist Charles Scott Sherrington, who helped shaped an understanding of the body’s nervous system. There is also surgeon William Stewart Halsted, who created the first formal surgical training programme in the United States, and microbiologist Albert Schatz, who discovered the antibiotic streptomycin, which is used to treat bacterial infections such as tuberculosis, pneumonia and influenza.

Bryson also places much emphasis on the point that we are a long way from understanding the many mysteries of the human body; we are repeatedly reminded of how much we still don’t know. Nonetheless, it is amazing to learn how far we have come — only a couple of decades in some cases — and astounding to discover how recent many scientific discoveries have actually been.

It is plain to see that a lot of research has gone into this book. The writer speaks to, and quotes, leading experts in various fields and relays their take on the areas in which they specialise. The historical anecdotes he digs up are downright fascinating and, perhaps, the most interesting part of the volume. However, given the plethora of diseases and microbes mentioned in the book, perhaps this may not be the best reading option for germophobes and hypochondriacs. If, for instance, the fact that we have “about 100,000 microbes per square centimetre” on our skin makes a prospective reader shudder, they might be better off picking up something else to peruse.

On the other hand, readers who are not squeamish will be riveted by all the trivia that The Body has to offer. The pages are chock-full of facts about the human form and filled with tidbits that capture the wondrous nature of the body. My favourite snippet, if anyone is interested, is that according to estimates, every day “between one and five of your cells turn cancerous and your immune system captures and kills them.” How amazing is that!

Most readers will probably be familiar with much of the basic science discussed here, especially if they studied biology in school, are avid fans of popular science, or have ageing parents, which — as it turns out — is a most unexpectedly effective way of learning about the body and its shortcomings. Even so, this book will serve as a useful refresher, reminding us of things that may have slipped our mind. The science has been made accessible for the layman, thanks to Bryson’s clear, simplified and often wry and congenial writing style. And while this may not be the most comprehensive or deepest book one can find on the subject, it is a rewarding read and terrific starting point for those who want a basic understanding before they dig deeper.

There are parts, however, that may be a little hard to retain for the casual reader, especially when scientific terms are listed. For instance, the cornea in the eye, we are told, has five layers: “epithelium, Bowman’s membrane, stroma, Descemet’s membrane, and endothelium.” Around the eyes are “the glands of Krause, Wolfring, Moll, and Zeis, as well as nearly four dozen Meibomian glands in the eyelids.” One would need either a pretty sharp memory or a bit of conscious effort to retain not just those terms, but a lot of other things mentioned in the tome.

All in all, however, The Body is an informative journey into human biology and Bryson makes this stroll not only entertaining, but also wondrously fascinating. The book is likely to leave readers will a sense of marvel at our design, motivate them to learn more about their physical form, and perhaps even inspire them to live a better, healthier life.

- Sameen Amer

Books & Authors, Dawn - 24th May, 2020 *

In the picture: Coffee & Kareem

movie review

Netflix’s latest action comedy Coffee & Kareem is a distasteful mess

Coffee & Kareem

Starring: Ed Helms, Terrence Little Gardenhigh, Betty Gilpin, RonReaco Lee, Andrew Bachelor, David Alan Grier, and Taraji P. Henson

Directed by: Michael Dowse

Netflix certainly deserves props for the variety they offer with their original content, but the quality of their feature length projects hasn’t been quite as consistent as their subscribers would have hoped. On one hand, the streaming service has been releasing films that have become major award season contenders, but on the other, we are left with movies that seem more deserving of a Razzie than an Oscar.

Their latest action comedy, Coffee & Kareem, sadly falls at the latter end of the spectrum.

The film puts together worn out buddy comedy shenanigans with crude humour, degenerating into an unexciting, predictable, preposterous mess along the way.

The story centres on James Coffee (portrayed by Ed Helms), an inept but well-meaning police officer. He has started a relationship with Vanessa (Taraji P. Henson), a development that has greatly displeased her unruly, foul-mouthed preteen son, Kareem (Terrence Little Gardenhigh). Kareem wants Coffee out of the picture, but his attempt to have the cop whacked instead lands the two into the crosshairs of a drug cartel that is being supported by dirty cops.

To find a way out of their predicament, the unlikely duo must – as you would expect – work together and defeat the baddies. It’s a tired old setup, delivered here sans the charm that is necessary to make buddy comedies work. Coffee & Kareem had the chance to modernize its genre, use its plot to say something meaningful about the topics at its core, or even embed something smart beneath its crass exterior. Instead, the movie makes no effort to try anything even vaguely interesting.

There is considerable comedic talent in the cast, but a film that features the likes of Helms and Henson, as well as Betty Gilpin and David Alan Grier who also play cops, really should be funnier than Coffee & Kareem is. The performers have been given a woefully unfunny script to work with. Helms is still affable enough as the bumbling Coffee, but he is partnered with an unlikable young character who is more grating than amusing and thereby makes it hard to be invested in the fate of the protagonists. Your level of enjoyment at the interactions of this pairing will depend mostly on how worn out you think the concept is and how funny you find obnoxious, vulgar tweens.

Seeing the rate at which they are releasing films, Netflix clearly has a lot of resources at its disposal, and we have also seen, time and again, that the streamer has the ability to attract significant cinematic talent, both in front of and behind the camera. Movies like Coffee & Kareem just leave you wishing that Netflix would choose to invest in more interesting and inventive projects instead of wasting its assets and its subscribers’ time on such dismal dullness.

Rating: 1 out of 5

- By Sameen Amer

Instep, The News on Sunday - 26th April, 2020 *