Friday, January 08, 2016

Replay: The Year 2015 in Film

year in review

Angelina Jolie’s vanity project By the Sea sank and Furious 7 left us teary-eyed

- Jurassic World infuriated moviegoers by not putting feathers on its dinosaurs, an oversight that was shocking because Hollywood is obviously known for its hundred per cent scientific accuracy. Viewers took their revenge on the movie by watching the hell out of it and making it the highest-grossing film of 2015. Serves it right!

- The Good Dinosaur featured some dinosaurs with feathers. The finicky subset of the world’s population was pleased.

- Inside Out was basically just Herman’s Head meets Brain Divided.

- Shaun the Sheep was the best animated film of the year, which presumably means it won’t be nominated for an Oscar, right Academy?! (Yes, we’re still miffed about The Lego Movie omission!)

- Hotel Transylvania 2 was Adam Sandler’s best film of the year, which isn’t saying much considering the other two were Pixels and The Ridiculous 6.

- Minions was a transparent (and lazy) attempt at capitalizing on the adorableness of everyone’s favourite little yellow henchmen. It succeeded in its evil mission of parting us from our cash.

- The Peanuts Movie was sweet.

- “The city is flying, we’re fighting an army of robots, and I have a bow and arrow. None of this makes sense.” You’re right Hawkeye, it really doesn’t. And let’s be honest – it wasn’t really the “Age” of Ultron, was it? More like the weekend of Ultron; fortnight at most.

- Paul Rudd charmed in the otherwise meh-inducing Ant-Man.

- The embarrassing failure of Fantastic Four was thoroughly entertaining, unlike the movie itself.

- Furious 7 left us teary-eyed.

- Spectre settled for being adequate.

- Mission colon Impossible dash Rogue Nation was an attempt to see how much punctuation can be squeezed into one title.

- Mad Max: Fury Road somehow managed to emerge unscathed from a nearly two decade gestation in development hell.

- Creed did the Rocky franchise proud.

- The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2 proved yet again that splitting the final book into two films continues to be a poor cinematic choice ... and a shrewd financial decision.

- The Divergent Series limped on.

- Terminator Genisys was a mess.

- Matt Damon found liquid water flowing on the surface of Mars! Or something.

- Steven Spielberg revisited the 1960 U-2 incident in the terrific Bridge of Spies, a fascinating, well-acted look at ... wait, the plane took off from an air base in Peshawar?!

- Undeterred by the fact that the Steve Jobs biopic and documentary thing has already been done to death since his death, Danny Boyle and co. decided the world totally needs another Steve Jobs movie. They were wrong.

- The Longest Ride offered no explanation as to why Nicholas Sparks’ novels are still being turned into movies.

- Johnny Depp continued to confuse us with his wildly uneven career by starring in the atrocious Mortdecai and the gripping Black Mass.

- Liam Nesson’s character killed a lot of people in order to prove that he isn’t a murderer in Taken 3, which was like a terrible remake of The Fugitive.

- Tomorrowland forgot to be entertaining.

- Trainwreck wasn’t a train wreck.

- The Entourage movie was like an overlong episode of the television series.

- Bradley Cooper scored a hat-trick of bad movies by starring in Aloha, Burnt, and Joy.

- The massive financial success of Fifty Shades of Grey left us disappointed in humanity.

- Rock the Kasbah was unwatchable. The world had the good sense to not even try watching it.

- The Point Break remake was pointless.

- Angelina Jolie’s vanity project By the Sea sank.

- Pan was panned.

- Shia LaBeouf wanted us to watch him watch all his movies. Because he hates us THAT much.

- Christian Bale, Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, and Brad Pitt got together to explain the financial crisis to us.

- Spotlight impressed critics.

- Joseph Gordon-Levitt walked the walk.

- Leonardo Dicaprio went Oscar hunting in The Revenant.

- But more than anything, 2015 was ultimately the year of the new Star Wars film. We waited all year for the force to awaken, then flocked to cinemas upon its release, making sure that it grossed more in a weekend than most movies do in their entire run (even though it basically turned out to be a rehashed A New Hope.) And now we can’t stop thinking about how much we want a BB-8 action figure!

- By Sameen Amer

Instep Today, The News - 8th January, 2016 *

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